Narcissism: My wedding day to an Abusive Narcissist
Today was to be my wedding day to an Abusive Narcissist. Thank God I escaped from her possession 6 months ago. This day was 3 and half years in the making. She demanded different engagement rings (3), upgraded diamonds (3), and matching a wedding band with diamonds. Nothing else would do. She would probably be wearing a 4th setting and diamond today. She still has them today.
Most narcissist won't be able to marry in the end. I don't think this marriage would have ever happened anyway because of the increasing absorption of me into her. There would have been nothing left of me to marry! I was not able to make a statement or express an opinion without public humiliation and degradation. Her charm and loveliness always brought me back when I told her I could not take it anymore.
A narcissist has a different personality for everyone they meet. It's very demanding on them. They have no true self. The are completely in distress every waking moment fearing they will lose the images that they are portraying. When these multiple personalities are required to change constantly in a setting where many people are in the same room, it is extremely taxing on them. They must assassinate the characters of everyone in their lives when others are not present. They have no friends. Their claimed best friends are ridiculed behind their backs. To have them in one room for a "party" of some sort is the worst of all possible scenarios.
When a narcissist tells you are a liar, a cheat, a drunk, a bad parent, a loser, they are referring to the parts of themselves they are trying to hide from the world. I was only "allowed" to sleep 2 to 4 hours a night. When I was able to sleep, she ridiculed me by telling me no one slept as much as me. She was referring to her excessive sleeping habits, not mine. Their constant dishonesty, secretiveness, and keeping you uniformed, is very difficult to live with.
Relationships with narcissist must end because they cannot change. They will trick you, even go to counselling for short periods of time. There is not a cure. When my narcissist accepted the fact that I was gone for good, she feigned mental illness. She spent 2 short periods in a mental hospital. She told everyone that her thyroid caused her break down. She and I know better. It was her way of explaining the loss of her image of marrying me. She lost that part of herself. It is akin to losing a limb.
Writing this short blog is difficult. How could I allow this to happen? It is somewhat embarrassing. I never thought this would happen to me. It will never happen to me again. I am still in the process of reclaiming the man that I am. Some people are noticing positive changes. My family still sees the hurt and confusion. It is much more that getting tough (she referred to it as, "toughen up cupcake") or going through counselling. It is a slow process of going through, not around, the bad memories and feelings that slap me in the face almost constantly. The healing process will work only if I accept them, not try to forget about them.
Most narcissist won't be able to marry in the end. I don't think this marriage would have ever happened anyway because of the increasing absorption of me into her. There would have been nothing left of me to marry! I was not able to make a statement or express an opinion without public humiliation and degradation. Her charm and loveliness always brought me back when I told her I could not take it anymore.
A narcissist has a different personality for everyone they meet. It's very demanding on them. They have no true self. The are completely in distress every waking moment fearing they will lose the images that they are portraying. When these multiple personalities are required to change constantly in a setting where many people are in the same room, it is extremely taxing on them. They must assassinate the characters of everyone in their lives when others are not present. They have no friends. Their claimed best friends are ridiculed behind their backs. To have them in one room for a "party" of some sort is the worst of all possible scenarios.
When a narcissist tells you are a liar, a cheat, a drunk, a bad parent, a loser, they are referring to the parts of themselves they are trying to hide from the world. I was only "allowed" to sleep 2 to 4 hours a night. When I was able to sleep, she ridiculed me by telling me no one slept as much as me. She was referring to her excessive sleeping habits, not mine. Their constant dishonesty, secretiveness, and keeping you uniformed, is very difficult to live with.
Relationships with narcissist must end because they cannot change. They will trick you, even go to counselling for short periods of time. There is not a cure. When my narcissist accepted the fact that I was gone for good, she feigned mental illness. She spent 2 short periods in a mental hospital. She told everyone that her thyroid caused her break down. She and I know better. It was her way of explaining the loss of her image of marrying me. She lost that part of herself. It is akin to losing a limb.
Writing this short blog is difficult. How could I allow this to happen? It is somewhat embarrassing. I never thought this would happen to me. It will never happen to me again. I am still in the process of reclaiming the man that I am. Some people are noticing positive changes. My family still sees the hurt and confusion. It is much more that getting tough (she referred to it as, "toughen up cupcake") or going through counselling. It is a slow process of going through, not around, the bad memories and feelings that slap me in the face almost constantly. The healing process will work only if I accept them, not try to forget about them.
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